As Free as an Elephant Tethered With Rope

In certain parts of the world people keep elephants as working animals, either for moving trees or appeasing tourists. This is no more prevalent than in India. In some parts though they have developed a technique for keeping their elephants 'loyal'.

At night the Elephant is tethered to a small stick shoved in the ground by a thin rope. This majestic creature that could quite easily pull a tree down our crush a house does not try to move or run away. The problem is not physical but psychological - quite obviously even a squirrel could get away from this.

The problem (or solution depending on which angle you come from) lies in the elephants infancy - As a young calf it's tied to a concrete post or wall by a thick metal chain. The more the elephant struggles, the tighter the chain gets, cutting and digging into the baby calf's flesh. The more it pulls, the more it hurts. Eventually the calf stops struggling and accepts its fate. It stops trying to get away, to run, to be free. When the elephant becomes an adult - and remember an elephant never forgets - draws back to this intense pain and a simple rope will keep it in place.

When we are young we think we can achieve anything but life ties a metal chain around us and trains our mind to accept what we see... When we are finally old and strong enough to 'pull down trees' we stop fighting, we accept the chains are real and no longer struggle but none of it is real. Like Bill Hicks say's 'Life is Just a Ride' but if you truly believe there is a chain you will never be free...

Written by @roywoodhouse

(please click on my name and follow me on Twitter)

Sepp Blatter - AKA Teflon Man

In an un-startling revelation this week it seems a young man by the name of Sepp Blatter upset someone with his casual comments. This week he thought "I know, lets throw my weight into racism in football". No one in football has attracted such controversy since some guy made a sexist remark that women in football should  "wear tighter shorts and low cut shirts... to create a more female aesthetic" to attract more male fans (that guy was Blatter), or that idiot said  "I would say they [gay fans] should refrain from any sexual activities" regarding the illegality of homosexuality in the World Cup Finals country of Qatar... This idiot was also Mr Blatter...


I'm not going to go on referencing the words of the Swiss Sensation but his Wikepedia page reads like a fucking comedic sensation! But the question remains... why the fuck is he still in charge of FIFA? It seems that the media reaction in England was stronger in comparison to many of our European counterparts but still even Gary 'Not sure which Manchester club I work for" Cook had enough sense, or pressure to quit after his alleged gaff in which he made fun of a woman died of cancer.


But still Mr Blatter marches on and it leads me to make the conclusion that he is in fact made of Teflon. NOTHING STICKS TO HIM!!! A week on and it's almost forgotten. Only one other man in my mind had this much survival technique ... Mr Silvio Berlusconi! It seems the the maxim about the only thing to survive a nuclear war would be cockroaches should be edited and now read "The only thing to survive a nuclear war would be cockroaches, Paul McCartney and Berle and Blatts careers"


Finally in a week where the Italian Stallion himself stands down we can only hope that Blatter follows suit and walks away... but fat fucking chance... Blatter will be there to the end making more casual controversies than the Duke of Edinburgh... 


Is it co-incidence that they both have a vested interest in football, the both have the same initials (Yeah I know Blatters is a G but he prefers the youthful name Sepp) and they were both born in 1936? (a very popular year for racism in Europe) Yes it's a coincidence but please keep copying each other and Blatter go have a bunga-bunga party somewhere no-one knows about or just please please please retire... 

Written by @roywoodhouse

(please click on my name and follow me on Twitter)