Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Weekly Wombat (11/09/12 - 22/09/12) - Weekly?

So it's nearly Fortnightly Wombat this time around but I've been in transit from Brazil and the airline managed to misplace my baggage (see special thanks at the end of this post)

 So news that caught my eye this time round - Person sticks primate down his pants, Obese Elephants to go on a diet, Pennsylvanian couple commit dog-napping and Romney continues to act like a tit.

1) This is the first of two news stories this week that refer to India - a man was patted down at New Delhi's Indira Gandhi airport when the security officer discovered a rather strange object in his underpants. We have all heard of jewels in anuses and condoms full of coke, but what I never expected to read that a man had stuck a rare primate next to his private parts. In his underpants was to be found the endangered Sri Lankan Loris (Nope I've never heard of it before) carefully tucked up next to his... how do we put this delicately? errmm cock. Apart from the fact that this stunt has done much to improve world knowledge of this tiny critter, it is possible that the man has also tarnished the reputation of it as well by trying to get it involved in the mile high club.

The critter, which grows up to 10 inches, has huge eyes which I can only hope he kept closed for the duration of his journey... The question I want to ask is at what point did the animal smuggler decide it was a good idea to stick a live animal next to his penis? Was this a replacement for the old sock technique to boost ego? Was he not a little worried that it might get a bit peckish  and take a bite? A second Loris was found in a bin so it's clear that while the man from the UAE's morals and common sense absconded, his knowledge of biology did not, therefore keeping only one in his pants as to improve his manhood.

2) In India again and celebrated temple elephants in Tamil Nadu are to go on a diet after being discovered to be overweight... The obese elephants situation has been blamed on secret snacks from pilgrims and lack of exercise due to 'being chained to the ground' - yep that could do it... Elephants are worshiped as holy representations of Ganesha - and can be hired for less than £20 for parties and tourist rides... why do we need to chain up and market a deity? If Jesus comes back it's like saying, oh great you're the son of God, but we don't have you on any official records so we'll have to leave you in confinement and hire you out as an after dinner speaker...

please, someone give these poor animals some exercise... and while your at it can we start to address the rapidly increasing obese world population... if elephants can diet, so can Americans, Europeans etc.

3) A couple from Pennsylvania discovered two of their neighbours dogs had wandered on to their property
and while returning one decided to keep the other and sell it on Craigslist for $50. What the fuck were they thinking? Why not just stick it down your underpants, go through airport security and get patted down with a baby Rottweiler stuffed down there. The idiots were caught when the police visited and their kid confessed saying my mummy sold it on the internet... my words fail me to describe to level of moron we are dealing with here...

4)Mr Mitt Romney continues to be a gift from God for Obama. With gaff after gaff it's a wonder that there is even going to be an election.... people like to blame and it seems it has all fallen on Obama - the economic crisis and the wars (neither of which were his fault) and his failing healthcare bill, which Romney initially supported... but Romney keeps dishing out the comedy with catchphrases such as "I like being able to fire people who provide services to me." and "I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there." My favourite though has to be his leaked comments when he said...

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. ... My job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."

(is it me or do the look a little on the similar side? - a bit weird me thinks - it's amazing what a little 'Just for Men' can achieve)

I just want to say well done to the Democrat party for playing a blinder and putting a real candidate and a dummy one up for election! With all this shit people can't seriously be wondering who to vote for... Obama or the accidental comedian... with the former we get possibly more change and positive shift, with the latter we get four years of gaffs just like Bush 2 - comedy gold - oh yes and possibly hell on Earth again with everyone in the world running for cover... you decide.

And on a final note I just want to say a special thanks to the people who lost my bags... while I was on a flight from Brasil for just 12 hours, my bags have been all over the world (lucky bastards) and five days later have still not arrived which is great cause I love just having two sets of clothes to wear and washing one while wearing the others - thanks again.

Follow on Twitter

1 comment:

  1. I wish you could make it daily :)and i wish News from the glob were this entertaining and funny. good one please keep it up.