Tuesday, 26 October 2010


Somewhere in the “transport from hells” underground bunker set deep below the busy streets of Lun-done

“What shall we do to today my master?” The young TFH worker candidly asked. “Shall we shut down part of the circle line? Irresponsibly forget to put on any trains on service in the jubilee line? Or how about we put all the signals on red and cause widespread pandemonium across the planet?”

The manager looked bewildered... “How about today... we make all the trains run perfectly?”

“But it’s the weekend!” exclaimed the TFH worker “we always cancel trains and ruin peoples’ lives at weekends, it perfectly accompanies the agonising pain they feel from working everyday”

“Yes I understand that, but I think we could cause some real chaos one time by making everything run smoothly”

“But that means us doing our jobs for once! You can’t be serious... wait a minute you’re trying to trick us... you bastard!”

“Look you’re paid to do a fucking job, why don’t you just try doing it.”

“I can’t believe you’d suggest such a thing. I demand more money... I’m calling the union!”

A few seconds later Rob Raven appeared in a cloud of smoke and began furious contract negotiations stripping the Head of TFH of any power, doubling the workers’ wages and ensuring there would never be a smooth service again.

When the rows and fights had finished, the smoke subsided and the blood mopped up the manager sat broken. The streets of Lun-done were awash with panic chaos after weeks of needless strikes.
“Why Raven, why, you made such ridiculous demands!?” 

The TFH worker and Raven laughed... “Why?!... you dare to  ask me why? Do we not need to double our wages three times a year for doing nothing? Should we not demand less trains and carriages so that people are packed like rats? Why not have dancing elephants at the gates of every tube station?” Raven looked wistfully at his tutu wearing elephant... “You’ll be seeing me again... real soon... a little birdie tells me something called the Olympics are coming”

With that Raven vanished into a cloud of smoke, the manager shot himself and the young TFH worker did a little dance and went to spend but his new found wealth, however realising there was no logical route due to cancellations decided to throw himself under one of the few trains actually running at peak time thus causing even more severe delays.

Based on a true story... 

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